Filling the gap ...

This past Sunday in the Worship Service, my place at the keyboard was filled by another ... Jodi Burgess.  She did a WONDERFUL job and the band very easily fell into a nice rhythm w/her ... in fact, one of the songs in particular would be considered "extremely challenging", not only to sing, but especially to play ... and Jodi nailed it on the keyboard!  (I laughed this morning as we arrived at work and were talking about how Sunday music went and she said "if I had known ahead of time that you were gonna have me play and not just rehearse I probably would have been throwing up!"  ... good thing I sprung it on her after our 8:00 rehearsal Sunday morning!  lol)  With her in my place on keyboard I was able to lead Worship, on the "frontline" w/the Worship Team.  I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY enjoyed that ... very much, in fact.  I felt much more relaxed and free to just WORSHIP ... it felt good ... really refreshed my spirit more than I can adequately communicate.

 

Ron & I will be away for 2 weeks in October ... we haven't been away for 2 weeks in over 20 years.  I think it's time.  As we're positioning ourselves to be able to be away, we're positioning others to step up & lead comfortably in our absence.  Ron has taken the last 2 weeks off the band and has enjoyed just sitting on the front row w/the teenagers ... in doing this he is also giving others the opportunity to serve in order to be fully comfortable to fill the gap when we're away in October.   

Every pastor needs time away from their church ... and every church needs their Pastor to take a little time off ... it's good for EVERYONE. 

I'm really looking forward to our long-awaited and much-needed "vacation" ... and I'm TOTALLY DELIGHTED that we have FINALLY reached the place where Ron and I can be gone & the church not miss a beat ... that's the way it should be, and it's taken us WAY too long to arrive at that place.  (The biggest challenge to reaching this goal was having people in place for mine & Ron's spots on the Worship Team ... especially on keyboard).  We'll enjoy our time away, and I know this GREAT church family will enjoy our being away for a little while - ha! - but don't grow TOO FOND of it, 'cause we're DEFINITELY coming back!

It's a good season at PCC ... everyone serving together in SWEET HARMONY.

MIRACLE in the Courtroom!!

This morning I, along w/several other PCC people, was in a courtroom with a young man who was in a heap of trouble.  We were there to offer our support to him and his family ... just as we've been doing since they first walked thru these doors June of 2009.
We ALL prayed for a MIRACLE of MERCY.  The young man was preparing himself for JUDGMENT, and was owning/accepting responsibility for everything he had done wrong that had led him to this point.
We wrote letters to the judge, and PRAYED, PRAYED, PRAYED for this young man to be given at least the judicial hope of a "second chance" as he appeared before the Judge today for sentencing.  He, last August, gave his heart & life to Christ, and has been a different person since that time.
As we were all there sitting in the back of the courtroom, the young man's name was called, the attorneys stepped foward ... and then something unexpected.  The State Attorney asked for a sidebar w/the Judge.  For 25 LONG minutes both attorneys & the judge talked in whispered voices.
THEN ... the news came ... a continuance was decided upon ... BUT the MIRACLE was the words we all then heard next ... I'm not free to offer any details at this point, tho I am wanting to SHOUT THEM OUT LOUD ... but the words the Judge spoke offered what we had all been praying for ... HOPE!!!

Can I just tell you today, and CAN I GET A WITNESS, that PRAYER WORKS for the individual who is authentically trying to yield his/her life to Christ day in and day out.  YES it is a FAITH WALK, and YES God honors those who honor Him.

We continue to pray for a favorable outcome for this young man who is a NEW creation in Christ - his testimony this past year has shined very bright, and the faith & courage of his parents has been a powerful witness to everyone around them.  He AND his family are definitely ALL IN as they all now serve our Lord & Savior ... and the remarkable thing as I think back about this family's journey? that they came to us on the invite of a neighbor/friend who cared ENOUGH about them when the news hit a year ago to walk down to their house and offer them words of hope and a "safe place" to call home during this very painful season they were about to enter .. that place was PCC .. and I'm so glad they came to us.   It makes me proud that this church is a church like that ... where even the beat-up, banged-up person can walk thru the doors and be exposed to authentic Christianity ... a Christianity that says "YES, God can turn your life around ... and we'll do everything we can to help you along in that journey."
God has performed a MIRACLE in their lives because that friend made the walk to their house & extended a hand of hope and friendship.  And PCC was instrumental in helping that family find their way to Christ, and to hope.

Praise the LORD!!!!

Picnic

Unite POTLUCK Picnic this Wednesday night 6:00-8:00 

Definition of "Potluck" ... well, it means everyone brings food to share

(We will not fire up all the grills - not grilling hamburgers this time - it's POTLUCK)

Why so exhausted?

Years of putting others first and no real time off ... and since the week of July 20th just being SLAMMED w/stuff like never before.  Let me explain.
This may seem trite or inconsequential, but on July 20th we found out our pet (Brandy) of 16 years had a massive tumor in her belly growing at an alarming rate ... throughout that week we spent every evening at home with her trying to make her comfortable ... then 2 hours before we had scheduled to take her to the vet to possibly have her put to sleep, she died under the edge of our bed on a Friday morning ... Ron & I both were right there with her, looking into her eyes and loving on her as she drew her last breath.  It was a VERY sad week in our house ... me and Ron and Nathan in tears every single afternoon that week.
Then ... on Sunday we arrived at church to the news that someone very close to us (and a member of our church) had a stroke and was in the hospital.  I spent that Sunday afternoon visiting her and two others in the hospital - one was a 6-week old baby boy who had suffocated in his crib and suffered serious brain damage - this child was connected to my family (particularly connected to my sister DJ).  Crawled into bed at around 11:30 and then at 3:00 Monday morning left for camp w/34 other students & chaperones ... it was a GREAT week, but totally exhausting ... had to send/take two students back home (missed a full night's sleep that night) ... and quite frankly, that hurt my heart (blame the motherly instinct in me) ... bummed me out for some time that week.  I didn't WANT to have to send them home, but it was the only right choice we could make (yes, I consulted w/other leaders at camp w/me).  (Here again, I know I'm being raw and completely transparent w/my readers ... but that's what happened and it was upsetting to me.)
We returned from camp on Saturday evening, July 31st, and the next two weeks brought 8, yes EIGHT, deaths to our church family AND to our personal family.  Three of those deaths were closely related to my son Nathan, and another was closely related to Ron & his mother/sister ... and all 4 of those deaths were tragic and unexpected ... all in a period of less than two weeks (in fact, I think all those happened in the span of just one week).  The other deaths were related to people who attend our church but who may not all be super-active members... some just attenders.  In all that time I felt like I dropped the ball in caring for those in our church family who had experienced losses ... but it was due to the very personal losses our own family was experiencing during that same time.  That's not an excuse, that was just the honest reason for it.  Nonetheless, I beat myself up over not being fully there for people I care a great deal about, even tho the reason was legitimate.

Now .. having said all that, let me tell you where I am today, Tuesday.  I took yesterday, a day that I am usually out running errands & grocery-shopping w/Ron, to just stay at home ... worked out at a more leisurely pace, ate my breakfast on the porch at a more leisurely pace, played w/my cat a bit, and just spent quiet time in my home alone.  It was very therapeutic.
I also dropped my guard enough to reach out to a friend who carved out time to talk w/me ... well, mostly she just let me talk and she listened.  Then last night I crawled into bed early & finished reading the book of Romans ... but I think I'm gonna start over again tonight (lots of good stuff in that book) ... and I began reading the Joyce Meyer's book I mentioned in previous post.
I woke up again this morning having had yet another disturbing dream .. took me a few minutes when I awoke to rationalize that it was only a dream and there was no need to remain angry or upset about it like I was in the dream.   I know without a doubt that Satan is attacking me in my dreams .. and I'm praying diligently before I go to sleep at night that God take control of that part of my mind again ... so last night was down to only 1 dream as opposed to 3-4 as in previous nights ... I call that progress.
I am back in the office this morning ... and as I opened my mail I found a very loving e-mail from a very dear friend, someone I respect a great deal, a very strong woman in leadership.  She challenged me, encouraged me, and reassured me that she's in this fight with me ... for the LONG haul.  (Someone else - a man close to me & Ron - once told me that - then ran when the going got tough - I don't think this lady is like that.)   I also am in conversation w/a couple friends of mine in Branford about hooking up with them soon for some overnight "girlfriend" time.  (Yes, even women in leadership need "girlfriend" time, though I don't think men will ever fully understand that).
Ron and I are scheduled to be away for 10-12 days in October .. we are both looking forward to it .. he needs it as much as I do.  (In fact ... as I've written these last few days about where I'm at he is also at the same place but processing it differently, more privately, than I am) AND we are TRUSTING that while we are away during that time that the family of PCC will remain strong & will SHOW UP as others are trusted to lead in our absence.  That is the ONE single-most thing that this church body can do to demonstrate support to me and Ron as we slip off for a little while.  And until then ... we keep forging ahead w/the day-to-day duties of ministry ... grateful for the opportunity we have to serve, and grateful for the wonderful people in our lives that we call our PCC family.

Now on with the work of the day ....

Flying under the radar

It's been a while since I've written ... been kind of quiet.  Those who know me best know that when I have alot on my mind I tend to fly under the radar ... I go silent.  Such has been the case these last several weeks... in fact, since returning from Student Life camp.
In all honesty, I returned from camp completely exhausted ... exhilerated at the phenomenal experiences I enjoyed w/my group at camp (my students and team are truly a joy to be around) ... and yet also completely exhausted.  I encountered some things the week of camp that I didn't expect ... and it seemed those things took the wind out of my sails.
I came home last Thursday and immediately laid down on the couch ... I remained there til bedtime, then fell completely back asleep in bed.  Same thing Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday.  I cannot explain the total exhaustion I have felt ... have never been at this place before in all my years in ministry.  Have also been having very disturbing dreams ... filled w/violence, conflict, and confusion.  It feels like my mind is a battle-field.  To be just completely raw & transparent with you, my friends, I have come home some afternoons, not even sure what day of the week it is ... I'm truly just that exhausted.

What am I doing to sustain myself -- my strength & my resolve & my mental health?  Honestly, I'm just fighting one day at the time ... fighting to not give in to the fatigue and to keep moving forward as a Godly woman and a Godly leader.  I'm studying through the book of Romans, trying to fill my heart & my mind w/the word of God daily ... for my mind is truly a battlefield right now ... due mostly (probably) to sheer exhaustion.  Have also pulled the book off my bookshelf Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer - another weapon in my arsenal during this time of spiritual warfare.

Dear Reader ... Ron & I both are truly exhausted, like never before.  Please pray for us ... I don't ask this lightly.  We have served PCC for nearly 13 years now, with very few "time outs", and is has caught up with us.  We are proud to serve and are empowered by the grace of God to lead ... and yet we stand at a place where we need uplifting ... uplifting for the next leg of the race. 
We have a bright future ahead of us ... TOGETHER, we at PCC have great things to accomplish.  TOGETHER we will go the distance.

Guarding the date ...

Finally ... a two-week hiaitus (okay, so I probably spelled that wrong - so what?) ... coming this fall.  We've penciled the date in on our calendar and are determined to guard those dates fiercely.  It is definitely time for some Ron-and-Renae time.  And besides, our people need a break from us.   :-)

Learning to say "I'm sorry"

When people cannot offer a sincere "I'm sorry" ... well, it's because they're not.  Only a heart that is softened by your love for another, or a heart that is softened by God, can offer that two-word expression with authenticity.
Is there someone you owe an apology to this week for something you've done wrong ... a trust betrayed ... a friendship taken too lightly ... a promise broken ... words spoken without first considering how those words would hurt or offend another?

James 3:17-18 says this:  "But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hyprocisy.  Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
Now there's something to think about ...

Heartaches too numerous to count

The last two weeks has been a time of unprecedented grief in our ministry and in our family.
There have been 8 deaths - people connected to our church and half that number personally connected to our family.  Several have been especially close to our son Nathan, and still two other young men he knows have been injured & in the hospital in this same span of time.
We might have failed to respond adequately to every single loss connected to our church because of the losses that were so close to our own family.  It has been a very painful week for our son - in the span of one week he lost two close friends in seperate car wrecks on Scenic Hwy (both wrecks around the hour of 3:00 a.m.) - and much of our energy & attention has been spent on helping him deal with his grief that only grew thru the week and we have spent time w/the families of those close to our son.
It has been very alarming ... this number of deaths ... and especially those close to home, and close to our son.  I think people can process the death of loved ones when you saw it coming ... they had been sick & you knew their time was short ... but to have so many deaths occur so unexpectedly & even tragically ... well, it has been very distracting and upsetting to us.  For me, it's been very difficult to focus on church work during this time - primarily because I've just felt such grief for these families who have unexpectedly lost their young sons this week.  (Those who know me best know I'm a little A.D.D. even on a good day ... so these last 8-10 days has been particularly challenging.)

Now ... today is Tuesday, and there is much work at the church to be done - a mid-week Youth Service we want to do GREAT, and the weekend service which we also want to do GREAT - and yet there is at least one more funeral to attend this week and possibly two.  Would you cover the entire PCC Staff in prayer this week as we forge ahead in the work of the ministry, and would you also especially cover in prayer all those who lost precious family members this week, and also my son Nathan and his friends?  Pray God's protection upon them all, and for comfort for all these families and friends in this unprecedented week of grief.